


James Madison is Not an Illness

by LamBams (forfitzsimmons)



Series: Thomas Claimed [3]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Boyfriends, Epilepsy, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Poor James, Seizures
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-27
Updated: 2018-03-27
Packaged: 2019-04-08 15:48:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14108754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forfitzsimmons/pseuds/LamBams
Summary: "James never told Thomas about it. Why should he? James had plenty of health problems; Thomas didn’t need the itemized list of his conditions, least of all the ones controlled by medication. It was fine. He was fine. Usually, if you ignored the increasing forgetfulness, the mood swings, and the hours he spent staring at his traitorous medication. Usually."orJames is tired of being sick and makes some bad choices.





	James Madison is Not an Illness

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted some representation and I realized it would basically be canon for James to represent someone with epilepsy sooooooo here it is. I'm glad I finally finished this because I wanted this to come before James' birthday fic which is already done. I also am happy to bring in James' POV for the series. I hope my version of him lives up to expectations! We got to see James supporting Thomas a lot in the other fics, so here's Thomas supporting James and being a good boyfriend.

James never told Thomas about it. Why should he? James had plenty of health problems; Thomas didn’t need the itemized list of his conditions, least of all the ones controlled by medication. It was fine. He was fine. Usually, if you ignored the increasing forgetfulness, the mood swings, and the hours he spent staring at his traitorous medication. Usually.

This was not ‘usually’. The new meds were supposed to be _better_ , but they just made him want to lay in bed all day and stare into space, which is what he ‘chose’ to do on a day he had three essays due. Fuck his life.

James heard the sound of the front door opening and closing. The sound of rustling plastic told James that Thomas had just come home from the grocery store. He’d likely bought out the pasta aisle again, but at the moment, James couldn’t find it in himself to care or even be amused by his boyfriend’s quirks.

“Jemmy-James!” Thomas called. “I’m home! I got stuff for lunch. It’s not even—” Thomas cut himself off as he turned the corner into James’ room, “pasta.” He made his way to James’ side, a frown pulling at his smile lines. He sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled the covers away enough to see his face. “Are you okay, Darlin’? Do you need me to get you anything?”

James just curled into a ball. Great, now Thomas was worried about him because he can’t keep it together. Good job, James. He was the one who was supposed to be okay. He’d accepted himself long ago, before Thomas had even thought about it. He needed to be okay for Thomas, but he couldn’t even be okay for himself. How pathetic.

“’M sorry. I just don’t feel well.” It wasn’t a lie. “I just need to sleep.” That was a lie. Sleep wasn’t gonna fix anything. He felt a little lighter with Thomas wanting to look after him, though—like he cared for some reason James couldn’t fathom at the moment. “Cuddle with me?”

Thomas pressed a kiss to James’ forehead. “Of course.”

James scooched over so Thomas could slide under the covers once he’d thrown off his shoes. He was still fully dressed, but didn’t complain about the wrinkles he’d get in his shirt for once. James curled into Thomas’ arms and sighed. This was what he needed, not his new meds that just fucked with his head.

Maybe he could just…not take them.

#

“You seem to be feeling better,” Thomas commented the next day at breakfast. He looked James over as if he was assessing his health.

James smiled. “Yeah, that nap helped, though I almost didn’t finish all those essays I had due.” He glanced down and swirled his cereal around. “They’re all not very good since I was in a rush.”

His boyfriend placed a warm hand on one of his own. James looked up to see an expression that flustered him a little with how loving it was, like someone had put a filter on Thomas’ face to make everything soft. A little smile and half-lidded eyes faced him with so much love it made his heart ache. The little smile grew wider and James assumed his blush was strong enough to be visible on his dark skin.

“I’m sure they’re great,” he said. “You’re incredibly intelligent, James. Don’t put down your own work.” Just because he had to make a show out of everything, he pulled James’ hand up to his lips and kissed it, throwing him a wink.

James rolled his eyes. “You’re terrible.”

“I’m lovable.” He grinned wider like he knew he’d won.

James hummed, a little smile appearing on his own face. “Yeah, I guess you are.”

“I love you too.” With that, both of them went back to eating their breakfast.

The exchange left James feeling lighter and happier than he’d been in weeks. It was worth the risk to be able to enjoy this. He’d gone months without any issue before, so why should it be any different now?

#

James knew something was wrong the second he started feeling sick in his American History class two days later. It wasn’t the kind of sick that told him he was about to lose his lunch. It was an off-kilter dizziness. Everything felt too hot and cold at the same time. His limbs felt heavy.

He glanced to his right where Thomas sat beside him. The last thing he thought as he stared into space was, _Shit._

#

He woke up sideways on the wood floor of the classroom. He knew that it had actually only been around a minute, maybe less, or he’d have brain damage, but the soreness of his whole body made it feel like he’d been running for days. A familiar-feeling hand was ghosting across his cheek and it took a few seconds to make his eyes open.

Thomas was kneeling beside him, tears in his eyes. “Jemmy?” Thomas’ voice wobbled. “You back with us, Jem?”

James wanted to comfort him, but he tasted blood and knew he’d bitten his tongue when he seized and his head felt like a weight was holding it in place. With great effort, James moved his hand to Thomas’ knee. Thomas instantly grasped onto his hand. James would’ve winced at his tight grip if he had the energy.

To his surprise, from behind Thomas stood Alexander Hamilton. Alexander and Thomas had become tenuous friends since the blackmail incident, but they still didn’t frequent the other’s company. James was sure Alexander wasn’t in the class with them.

Alexander leaned down. “Did you bite your tongue, James?” James forced his tired muscles to nod. Alexander addressed Thomas, “Ok, that means he probably won’t talk for a bit, but that’s no reason to panic.” He turned back to James “You seized for less for a minute, which is good. We didn’t have to call an ambulance, but the professor cleared the class. We turned you on your side while you were seizing. Thankfully, Thomas caught you when you fell, so you didn’t hit your head from what I saw.” Alexander must’ve noted the furrow in his brow. “What’s wrong?”

James tried to make his mouth make the words, but it was cottony and creaking from being strained so hard during his episode. “How…? You…?” He coughed, an ache flaring in the back of his throat.

Alexander seemed to understand. “I was trying to sneak in to give Thomas his textbook back.” Huh, that’s why Thomas hadn’t brought his textbook to class, though James didn’t know they studied together. Alexander’s voice quieted, “My mother had seizures when she got sick, so I had to learn what to do. Are you on medication for it?” James grimaced and nodded. “Okay, then no need for a doctor then as long as you can walk in a few minutes.” Alexander frowned, “Though you should talk to your neurologist because your meds aren’t—”

James was barely loud enough to interrupt him, “I didn’t—” he coughed through his words, “I didn’t take them.”

Thomas had been sitting by, alarmingly silent and stiff as a board the whole time, but he suddenly roared, “ _What?_ ” Thomas took James’ face in his hands. “James, why wouldn’t you take your meds? When did this even start? _Why didn’t you tell me?_ ”

Tears welled in James’ eyes. He didn’t have any excuses, really. At least, he didn’t have anything that would hold up to his boyfriend’s fury of concern.

“James,” Alexander coaxed, surprisingly gentle, “What’s the name of your medication?”

He was starting to be able to work around his aching tongue. “Lamictal.”

Alexander sighed and looked to Thomas. “Lamictal is one of the better ones, but it’s also used as a mood stabilizer, so it can have the side effects of one.” He looked back at James. “Is that why you didn’t take your meds, James?”

The tears that had been gearing up to leave finally spilled. A sob wracked his already painfully sore body. “I just wanted to feel normal.”

Thomas’ watery eyes responded in kind as his boyfriend pulled him into his arms. “Darlin’, you should’ve told me.” He ran his hands through James’ hair. “How long has this been a thing?”

James could feel hot shame burn the tears on his cheeks. “A few years. I begged my parents not to tell you. I’m already such a big mess and a burden—I just…”

“You’re not a mess, Darlin’. You’re perfect.” Thomas wiped tears off James' cheeks with gentle fingers, not bothering with his own. "Your health is never a burden to me. I love you, okay? That wouldn't change if you had every illness in the world. I'm just happy to be here to take care of you like you take care of me."

James finally gathered enough strength to sit up and hug his boyfriend. He buried his face into Thomas’ shoulder. “I love you too. I love you.”

They both continued crying and Alexander didn’t say a word about it.

#

“Babe, did you take your meds?” Thomas called from his room.

James leaned next to the door, backpack slung over his shoulder and a grimace on his face. “Yes, Thomas, I took my meds. Will you stop stalling already? We have to get to class.”

Thomas finally opened the door. He gave James a smile, the goofy, crooked one that was reserved just for him. It made a tiny, flustered smile appear on his own face despite his annoyance. It grew wider when Thomas pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“You know I only ask because I love you, right?”

“I know. Can we get going to class now or do you have a curl out of place?”

Thomas looked in the hallway mirror and gasped. “Shit, I do!”

James groaned when Thomas raced back into his room.James felt his phone buzz in his pocket, so he pulled it out.

Alexander Hamilton [8:13 A.M.]: u take ur meds??

Alexander Hamilton [8:14 A.M.]: also if ur not here in 5 thomas is gonna go w/o his textbook

_When did Alexander get my number? When did his number get put in my phone?_ James shot a glare at Thomas' door.  _I guess there’s no point in being normal when I’m surrounded by people who aren’t._

**Author's Note:**

> Not so fun fact: James Madison did actually have seizures.
> 
> Anyway, take your medicine, folks! I've tried the whole 'let's not because it sucks' route and it just made it worse in the end. :( On a happier note, I'm posting James' birthday fic soon after this one! Double the fic! Plus, that one is kinda fluffy. :)


End file.
